'Digital Me'

My first memory of being online (other than playing on Girls Go Games on our very outdated family computer with my sisters) would probably be creating my first Facebook profile, when I was the ripe old age of 13 years. Of course I waited until I turned 13. I was always one to follow the rules so I waited. I didn't want to be one of those people that lied about their age so they'd be celebrating their 18th birthday when they were only 15 years old.

I remember posting my first profile picture which I took on my Blackberry and waited for the likes and comments to roll in (which wasn’t a lot). My first comment was a love heart emoji and “finally”. Not only am I late to everything in life but I was also when it came to uploading things to Facebook.

I still look back and see that awkward 13-year-old girl that stood on the balcony overlooking  the sea with the tree in the background. I never knew how to pose, wait, correction, I still don't know how to pose, so all I had to offer was a faint smile. 

For me I was always sceptical about the internet and the world beyond it or should I say the people hiding behind their screens. After a peer took their own life I was exposed too quickly to the negative side of social media at a young age. This was a tragic and life-changing event that affected my whole year group. The trolling, cyberbullying and hate that I've seen online is enough to make anyone’s stomach churn with disgust of how people can be so spiteful. This itself put me off from how much I posted on social media as well as the content I was posting. 

A few years later I decided I was ready to download Instagram, I had just got my first iPhone in 2015 and was ready to take the leap of faith. It was the iPhone 5. I was so happy that I had an Apple phone which was quick, easy to use and took great photos compared to a Blackberry an iPhone had more professional standards back then. I did photography at school so my camera roll was filled with holiday photos, landscapes of the beach or marco (close up) shots of flowers and nature. I hardly ever took photos of myself because I was too scared of being judged or what people would say. 

I think the first photo that I posted of myself got about 20 likes (I was chuffed) . It wasn't a lot but each time I did post a photo I aimed to get one more likes than the last photo that I had posted previously. I always secretly envied the popular kids that would get over 50 likes in just a couple of hours, it was just effortless for them. 

One day something just clicked for me. Kind of like a eureka moment, that the likes on one photo that you post online does not define your worth, only you can decide that for yourself. And yes it's not realistic as social media only shows us the best parts of our lives that we want people to see. Whether it is our travel videos and photos from our recent trip to Bali, newest makeup look that we've decided to try before a messy night out with the girls or a photo at the beach with the sand in-between our toes and the waves pulling the sand away underneath our feet. I know that this kind of thing doesn’t happen to everyone but we all need to be careful when we're online as we can’t mediate our whole lives around social media.

Everything online is not always doom and gloom, social media can have a positive effect on people too. Chloe Clements,  a 25-year-old makeup artist and part-time Youtuber from South West Devon didn't initially set out to be a Youtuber but uses it as a platform to showcase her skills as a makeup artist. She started Youtube 2 years ago as something that she could share with others how she did certain makeup looks from a qualified makeup professional Chloe has 10.3 k followers on Instagram and 647 subscribers on Youtube. “I think with social media there’s so much negativity attached to it, obviously you have people on there saying what they want because they're hiding behind a screen. I also think that people who aren't into social media kind of judge it a little bit. I've had to learn to not worry about those people because I view social media as a really positive thing. The way it can help businesses, you can actually have a business from social media, from literally doing what you love.” 

Chloe uses Instagram as a way of promoting her business. “Social media is my biggest advert for my job with makeup. I've been a makeup artist for 8 years now but I definitely found that using social media helps with your clientele. Because I think with makeup, people do get a bit nervous to come and get their makeup done so I get that seeing me do Youtube videos kind of gives them an idea of what I’m like as a person before they actually come in and turn into a client.”

Chloe’s videos are of makeup looks and beauty tips. “Because you’re putting yourself out there, you definitely have to be confident to do that because you never know who’s going to say what, you just have to learn to brush it off.”

Another positive for the online world is that it can connect people with like-minded beings to share their stories, problems and queries.

The mental health charity Mind highlights a positive outlet of connecting online with other people “Online communities and social media networks can provide you with peer support. Typically, these sites provide you with an online space to talk about symptoms, discuss the side effects of treatment and share support. Some people find it easier to communicate online rather than in person or over the phone. Being online can help some people talk more honestly about how they are feeling and connect with others, especially if they're going through a difficult time.”

Now when I look at social media and how I use it, I recognise that I only use Facebook to chat with my family and friends. On Instagram I keep up to date with what my friends are doing, look at different fashion inspirations and hair tutorials or styles. I also started to follow people that looked like me and that we’re confident and happy in their own skin. This gave me the confidence to do the same and just own myself because nothing is perfect, I’m not perfect so why should my online version of me be.